My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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