im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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