I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
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