all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
