Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
