You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
