We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
