At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Randomize
