chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
