i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
