True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
