We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize
