I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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