girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
