So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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