my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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