why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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