Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
