I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
