last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
