So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
He felt like a one man threesome
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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