No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
