Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
