How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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