Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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