Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
