I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
