I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
