I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
