So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Randomize
