I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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