So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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