that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize