She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Randomize
