am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
