I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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