i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
