I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
