No awkward lesbian experiences without me
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
