wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Randomize