Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
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