I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Then you guys just all showered together...?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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