Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize