everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Randomize
