i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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