i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
