1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
