I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
