Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
