I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
