there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
