i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
