obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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