sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Randomize