I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize