it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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