i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
