Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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