They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I just want nice things and good sex
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
