He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
