Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
