but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Randomize
