My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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