Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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