i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
