2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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