Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
