Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
